Jealousy
The emotion we pretend we don’t have.
Jealousy comes from the Greek zēlos, meaning: zeal, ardor, rivalry, or intense desire. Originally, it wasn’t negative at all: it referred to passionate devotion. Over time, that meaning shifted, and sharper edges were added to the emotion. Think about possessiveness, ‘they have it, I don’t,’ comparison... By the Middle Ages, jealousy had taken on the meaning we recognize today: the anxious guarding of what we value most, especially in love, status, or power.
And that? That often feels quite messy. What I see in my sessions is that jealousy is an emotion we often prefer not to feel. It’s a sensation we almost feel ashamed of. We would rather be angry at someone than allow the green-eyed monster to show itself. It’s a feeling that’s hard to pin down, because there are so many layers of protection around it. Why is that?
From a business perspective, we’re expected to be ‘professional’. Jealousy doesn’t fit that image. It’s often dismissed as immature, petty, or irrelevant.
Which is strange, because from what I know from my career in the corporate world, comparison and competition are ever-present factors. This doesn’t have to be negative: jealousy can be a powerful eye-opener about where you want to go in your business or career. Or more generally, in life.
Jealousy reveals what you deeply desire, or what you’re afraid of losing.
Status. Recognition. Security.
More often than not, it has very little to do with the other person and everything to do with a longing within yourself. Jealousy isn’t a flaw; it’s a signal. It can reveal where you want to grow. Maybe it should even be part of a performance review: ‘Who - or what - are you jealous of, and what growth goal does that point to?’ ;)
The Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard suggested that (paraphrased) jealousy (not to be confused with his ideas about envy, resenting that another has ‘it’), arises when we see ourselves through the life of another, and feel that we are not living the life we could be living. It is the anxiety of the self about its place in the world and its fear of being overshadowed, replaced, or forgotten. It mainly comes down to when comparison replaces the ability of someone to go inward. External focus becomes more important than self-reflection which is a recipe for mess, if you ask me. Because:
Who are you when you only exist in comparison to another?
Quite tragic. However, building on the above, jealousy can also be seen as a place full of potential. Not as a missed opportunity, but as a let’s go. A growth potential.
And that made me think…
What if we went back to Greece: to a time where jealousy meant that we truly, deeply desired something? Something precious to us. Or something meaningful we recognize in another.
Let’s make jealousy an emotion we learn to experience. Let’s take it out of the dark closet and place it in the light, next to anxiety, sadness and worry.
A feeling we can work with.
Let it become your inspiration.
Your motivation.
Let it help you clarify the benchmark you want to grow toward.
Jealousy: an emotion we all encounter from time to time, let us joyously celebrate it.
